"Nerd Words", Bullying, Kids and the Culture of Deliberate Ignorance

Today at breakfast, as I washed some dishes and half-heartedly watched over the kids eating, Ethan suddenly began to derisively mock his sister with the chant, "Haha, you said the 'nerd word'!"

This got my attention and, as he said it again, laughing the whole time, I asked him what the "nerd word" was.

"'What' is the 'nerd word'," he replied.

"What?" I asked, not liking where this was going and fully aware that I was setting myself up, "Why is that a 'nerd word'?  What does that even mean?"

"I don't know," he responded, "it's what the kids on the bus say to me."

 "Just you?" I feared the answer.

"Yes."

Why Parents are Rarely on Time

It never ceases to amaze and humor me when people who don't have children express disbelief and even annoyance that I sometimes run late for things.

I do.  I find it absolutely laugh worthy that a person who can grab a coat and be ready to go anywhere a tank of gas will take them takes umbrage with my being ten minutes late, or, as was the case recently, actually express disdain that I have not been holding up my part of the friendship by visiting more often.

Those of you who have or have had small children know what I'm talking about, but some of you may not, so please allow me to describe the typical events of even the most standard of trips to someplace as simple as a grocery store.  Know that I do not do this to complain or illicit pity, but in an effort to "clue in" those who may not fully understand just what leaving a house with children entails.

Just Another Manic Monday

It's not even lunchtime yet and we've already had quite an exciting day!

First we had Ethan's first day of school and all of the hoopla that came with that.  It's always an adventure taking all three kids anywhere by myself, but throw in a hundred or so other children and all of their parents and siblings, and it quickly becomes a circus.

To make matters worse there's a new principal at the school who felt the need to make her mark on things from the get go.  A great big, stupid, inconvenient and incomprehensible mark.  Rather than continue to use the large, conveniently and centrally located basketball court to line up all of the children in one place that allows parents to park in either of two different areas, the new system has them crammed together in a much smaller space on the side of the building with a great big bottleneck that creates confusion any time one group is going one way and another group the other, and where all of the parents have to use the same too-small parking lot.

A Strange Contradiction

Of all the many conflicting, contradictory things parenthood brings with it, perhaps the strangest to me is the totally opposite but simultaneous feelings of strength and manliness, and utter weakness and softness. 

Right now I'm listening to Ben Folds Five's Brick and I'm barely able to contain myself from bawling my eyes out.  I frequently do let a few tears slip to commercials, songs, movies and touching moments I witness in person if they contain anything even remotely about a child suffering or a parent's love, no matter how sappy or contrived to extract that exact emotional response it may be.  I can't help it (and damn those advertisers who know it!).

Contrarily, when I'm out with my children I feel like the manliest of men.  It may have something to do with the fact that many places I take them I am, if not the only, one of the very few men around (the life of a stay-at-home dad in a stay-at-home mom's world), but I think it's really due to an instinctual protectiveness.  I'd like to insert some awesome simile here comparing me with a fierce natural fatherly protector, but all the really good ones are female.  A mother bear, a lioness, etc.  Seriously nature, get on that.  All I've got is this guy:

Happy Father's DaAAAAARGH!  It's like that scene in Alien!

It's a strange contradiction: feeling like you'd rip the head off of anyone who even thought about looking at your child the wrong way, but knowing that at any moment a song could come on the radio that will have you reaching for the tissues.

Children and Gender Roles

When Ethan was born I had visions of him growing up to be an NHL player.  Or maybe an NFL star.  Whichever he wanted.  I was flexible.

Point was, when my boy was just days old I'd already decided that he should grow up to be one of the manliest of men out there because that's a dad's job; to mold their sons into lumberjack cowboy astronaut pit-fighters that rip phone books in half and intimidate grown men with but a glance and walk off broken legs like they're just minor inconveniences.

Right? 

How We Became Four: The Story of Kaeleigh

The story of Kaeleigh is a long and not especially funny one.  Oh, it had its humorous moments to be sure, but by and large it was a very difficult time for us.

Nowadays we can look back through the lens of time, which has a tendency to soften memories, and laugh at things, but it was a very trying time for our young family while we went through it; something we were only able to do thanks to the help and support and generosity of our friends and families.

Kaeleigh was born with a CHD, a congenital heart defect.  Actually, what she has is a condition known as heterotaxy syndrome which, due to her irregular physiology, caused her heart, among other things, to develop incorrectly.  But I'm getting ahead of myself.  The story begins about 26 weeks earlier at the 12 week ultrasound.

The Top 5 Most Frequently Spoken Words in Our Household

If you were a fly on the wall in our house you'd probably be dead right now.  I'd probably have already smacked you with a rolled up magazine because I really hate flies, and also because killing things with more than four legs is a part of my job description.  If you did manage to elude me for long enough, the sheer repetition around here might just kill you instead.

Bang your head into the window screen as many times as you like, dirty little insect, there's no escape from this list.