A Strange Contradiction

Of all the many conflicting, contradictory things parenthood brings with it, perhaps the strangest to me is the totally opposite but simultaneous feelings of strength and manliness, and utter weakness and softness. 

Right now I'm listening to Ben Folds Five's Brick and I'm barely able to contain myself from bawling my eyes out.  I frequently do let a few tears slip to commercials, songs, movies and touching moments I witness in person if they contain anything even remotely about a child suffering or a parent's love, no matter how sappy or contrived to extract that exact emotional response it may be.  I can't help it (and damn those advertisers who know it!).

Contrarily, when I'm out with my children I feel like the manliest of men.  It may have something to do with the fact that many places I take them I am, if not the only, one of the very few men around (the life of a stay-at-home dad in a stay-at-home mom's world), but I think it's really due to an instinctual protectiveness.  I'd like to insert some awesome simile here comparing me with a fierce natural fatherly protector, but all the really good ones are female.  A mother bear, a lioness, etc.  Seriously nature, get on that.  All I've got is this guy:

Happy Father's DaAAAAARGH!  It's like that scene in Alien!

It's a strange contradiction: feeling like you'd rip the head off of anyone who even thought about looking at your child the wrong way, but knowing that at any moment a song could come on the radio that will have you reaching for the tissues.

Children and Gender Roles

When Ethan was born I had visions of him growing up to be an NHL player.  Or maybe an NFL star.  Whichever he wanted.  I was flexible.

Point was, when my boy was just days old I'd already decided that he should grow up to be one of the manliest of men out there because that's a dad's job; to mold their sons into lumberjack cowboy astronaut pit-fighters that rip phone books in half and intimidate grown men with but a glance and walk off broken legs like they're just minor inconveniences.

Right? 

How We Became Four: The Story of Kaeleigh

The story of Kaeleigh is a long and not especially funny one.  Oh, it had its humorous moments to be sure, but by and large it was a very difficult time for us.

Nowadays we can look back through the lens of time, which has a tendency to soften memories, and laugh at things, but it was a very trying time for our young family while we went through it; something we were only able to do thanks to the help and support and generosity of our friends and families.

Kaeleigh was born with a CHD, a congenital heart defect.  Actually, what she has is a condition known as heterotaxy syndrome which, due to her irregular physiology, caused her heart, among other things, to develop incorrectly.  But I'm getting ahead of myself.  The story begins about 26 weeks earlier at the 12 week ultrasound.