Just Another Manic Monday

It's not even lunchtime yet and we've already had quite an exciting day!

First we had Ethan's first day of school and all of the hoopla that came with that.  It's always an adventure taking all three kids anywhere by myself, but throw in a hundred or so other children and all of their parents and siblings, and it quickly becomes a circus.

To make matters worse there's a new principal at the school who felt the need to make her mark on things from the get go.  A great big, stupid, inconvenient and incomprehensible mark.  Rather than continue to use the large, conveniently and centrally located basketball court to line up all of the children in one place that allows parents to park in either of two different areas, the new system has them crammed together in a much smaller space on the side of the building with a great big bottleneck that creates confusion any time one group is going one way and another group the other, and where all of the parents have to use the same too-small parking lot.

A Strange Contradiction

Of all the many conflicting, contradictory things parenthood brings with it, perhaps the strangest to me is the totally opposite but simultaneous feelings of strength and manliness, and utter weakness and softness. 

Right now I'm listening to Ben Folds Five's Brick and I'm barely able to contain myself from bawling my eyes out.  I frequently do let a few tears slip to commercials, songs, movies and touching moments I witness in person if they contain anything even remotely about a child suffering or a parent's love, no matter how sappy or contrived to extract that exact emotional response it may be.  I can't help it (and damn those advertisers who know it!).

Contrarily, when I'm out with my children I feel like the manliest of men.  It may have something to do with the fact that many places I take them I am, if not the only, one of the very few men around (the life of a stay-at-home dad in a stay-at-home mom's world), but I think it's really due to an instinctual protectiveness.  I'd like to insert some awesome simile here comparing me with a fierce natural fatherly protector, but all the really good ones are female.  A mother bear, a lioness, etc.  Seriously nature, get on that.  All I've got is this guy:

Happy Father's DaAAAAARGH!  It's like that scene in Alien!

It's a strange contradiction: feeling like you'd rip the head off of anyone who even thought about looking at your child the wrong way, but knowing that at any moment a song could come on the radio that will have you reaching for the tissues.

Children and Gender Roles

When Ethan was born I had visions of him growing up to be an NHL player.  Or maybe an NFL star.  Whichever he wanted.  I was flexible.

Point was, when my boy was just days old I'd already decided that he should grow up to be one of the manliest of men out there because that's a dad's job; to mold their sons into lumberjack cowboy astronaut pit-fighters that rip phone books in half and intimidate grown men with but a glance and walk off broken legs like they're just minor inconveniences.

Right? 

How We Became Four: The Story of Kaeleigh

The story of Kaeleigh is a long and not especially funny one.  Oh, it had its humorous moments to be sure, but by and large it was a very difficult time for us.

Nowadays we can look back through the lens of time, which has a tendency to soften memories, and laugh at things, but it was a very trying time for our young family while we went through it; something we were only able to do thanks to the help and support and generosity of our friends and families.

Kaeleigh was born with a CHD, a congenital heart defect.  Actually, what she has is a condition known as heterotaxy syndrome which, due to her irregular physiology, caused her heart, among other things, to develop incorrectly.  But I'm getting ahead of myself.  The story begins about 26 weeks earlier at the 12 week ultrasound.

The Top 5 Most Frequently Spoken Words in Our Household

If you were a fly on the wall in our house you'd probably be dead right now.  I'd probably have already smacked you with a rolled up magazine because I really hate flies, and also because killing things with more than four legs is a part of my job description.  If you did manage to elude me for long enough, the sheer repetition around here might just kill you instead.

Bang your head into the window screen as many times as you like, dirty little insect, there's no escape from this list.

The Meltdown

Yesterday the family went to a graduation party.

When I say we went, I mean we drove an hour to get there and, if the title of this little essay hasn't given away the ending yet, we didn't get to stay very long.

If Babies Were a Computer

....zzzz....

....sleep mode interrupted....

....sliver of light and/or barely perceptible noise detected, begin: start-up sequence...
.................................................

Yoga

At some point this past weekend Ethan got it into his head that he wanted to try yoga.  I'm not sure where it came from, but if you've ever talked to him for more than five minutes you'd understand how random and seemingly out of the blue some of the things that fall out of his mouth can be.

He rarely follows up on his random ideas for activities, but sometimes something triggers in his mind and he latches on like a pit bull and won't let go.  Typically, you'll know when it's the latter case because he'll mention it a few times... every single moment he's awake.

How We Became Three: The Story of Ethan

Ethan was born because we had dinner at Outback Steakhouse.  At least, that's what we tell everyone.

He was born 8 days early and we credit it, only half-jokingly, to the large steak dinner my wife had earlier that night.  He simply just ran out of room!

Our Visit to the Public Library

Took the kids to the public library this morning to check out a few books and drop in on their "Story Time."

Why it was 400 degrees in the basement where they have the kid's section, I'll never quite understand, but the kids enjoyed it anyway.

So, You've Been Invited to a Baby Shower

It happens.  One day you're sitting at home, minding your own business, and one of your friends goes and gets themselves pregnant.

Your first reaction will probably be something like, "Wait, they're going to have a baby?  Oi!"

That's perfectly normal.  Everyone knows that no one else is capable of taking care of a baby like you and probably shouldn't even bother, even though you don't have any kids yet.  Duh.  This reaction is especially normal if the "they" in question are also applying to be on the show '16 and Pregnant.'

More likely "they" are an older, established couple that you're pretty sure would forget their heads somewhere if they weren't attached to their bodies and who probably live a lifestyle that is completely inappropriate for pregnancy and child-rearing.  Regardless, they've got a bun in the old oven and two thoughts cross your mind:

1) All of my friends are having babies, I am officially getting old.

2) What thoughtful, creative gift should I get them for the baby?

I can't help you with the first one because, yeah, you are getting old (sucks, don't it?), but I do have some insight into the second one.

Bad Words

I've been known in the past to say that I didn't believe that there are any "bad" words.  I've long held that there is nothing inherently "wrong" or "bad" with certain four-letter words other than that we're told from a young age that there is, and we just accept that as fact and do our best to not get caught by our parents saying them.  

The Apple and the 3-year-old

This is the story of a little girl and her desire to eat an apple at breakfast.

To be sure she'd already eaten a pretty good breakfast, so I was a little surprised when she asked for some apple too, but who am I to deny someone so cute something so healthy?

It was at that moment, the exact moment that I innocently approved her request, that our tale begins.

It's a Strange Love or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Minivan

About a year ago we were in the market for a new car.  We were in a good place in that we didn't need a new car desperately, and so we could take our time and research different makes and models and shop around for the best deal.

At the time we were a family of four and had just an SUV.  It was big enough to hold us, the family shedding machine dog and even all of the insane amount of stuff we had to pack for the kids for even an overnight trip somewhere (though not by much, it required some serious Tetris/Jenga skills), but we realized that with Ethan heading to school in the fall, the lack of a second vehicle was going to create some logistical problems.  So we drew up a wish list and started looking.

On fatherhood

With Father's Day coming up I've been doing a lot of thinking about dads, and parenthood in general.

When I was younger I never really wanted to have children.  I've always liked kids and they've always seemed to like me--I would usually become the de facto babysitter/jungle gym at any kind of barbecue or birthday party or other event I attended that had kids present, and I never really minded that, but I always thought that the best part of that gig was that at the end of the day their parents would come to scoop them up and take them away and I could go back to the "real" world.  A world that involved a lot fewer runny noses and dirty diapers and a lot more free time and beer.

Parenthood was one of those things that happened to other people.  Crazy people.  I mean, who the heck would want a baby cramping their style and pooping all over the place? 

My 9-month-old: Super Villain

It's taken me 9 long months to uncover his dastardly plan, and I bring great peril upon myself to warn the outside world, but it's too late for me and I have to warn the rest of the world: my son Zachary is an evil supervillain.

He may just be the evilest of supervillains to ever villainize, super or otherwise.

Oh sure he looks cute, but that's just part of his supervillain disguise. It throws you off. Disarms you. "How could such a cute, innocent baby ever be the most dastardly villain the Earth has ever seen?" you ask no one in particular, and somewhere Damien and Rosemary's kid give each other a high five and laugh their evil laughs, smirking knowingly.