So, You've Been Invited to a Baby Shower

It happens.  One day you're sitting at home, minding your own business, and one of your friends goes and gets themselves pregnant.

Your first reaction will probably be something like, "Wait, they're going to have a baby?  Oi!"

That's perfectly normal.  Everyone knows that no one else is capable of taking care of a baby like you and probably shouldn't even bother, even though you don't have any kids yet.  Duh.  This reaction is especially normal if the "they" in question are also applying to be on the show '16 and Pregnant.'

More likely "they" are an older, established couple that you're pretty sure would forget their heads somewhere if they weren't attached to their bodies and who probably live a lifestyle that is completely inappropriate for pregnancy and child-rearing.  Regardless, they've got a bun in the old oven and two thoughts cross your mind:

1) All of my friends are having babies, I am officially getting old.

2) What thoughtful, creative gift should I get them for the baby?

I can't help you with the first one because, yeah, you are getting old (sucks, don't it?), but I do have some insight into the second one.

Diapers.  Oh sure, it's cliche and seems like a thoughtless gift you'd pick up at the last minute on your way to the shower (a bonus in my book), but they're practical.  They'll get used.  Oh how they'll get used.  Newborns are poop machines.  There are times where two or three diapers are needed just to clean up one poop event.

You'll probably want to spring for the more expensive Pampers because all new parents start with the more expensive Pampers until they realize just how many diapers they go through in a day/week/month and switch to the just as good, but much cheaper, Luvs.  Just stay away from the store brand diapers.  They make them out of old newspapers or something even less absorbent.  And they smell funny.

Baby wipes.  Same deal as the diapers.  Seems thoughtless, but the first time the new mom or dad deals with meconium, they'll be extremely grateful they have a few thousand extra wipes handy.  Seriously, that stuff is like tar, and it gets everywhere.

They weren't even in the same room.

It doesn't get much better once the baby starts actively trying to pee on people or projectile pooping (yes, it's a real thing).  Wipes are one of those things parents should never be without.  They'll want to keep some in every room.  In the diaper bag.  In the car.  In a purse or jacket pocket in a baggie.  Hell, keep some flushable ones in the bathroom for yourself.  You'll thank me.

Burp Cloths.  Can never have too many of these.  Ever.  The only thing babies do more often than poop or pee is spit up.  At some point every new parent seriously questions whether their baby is actually keeping any food down and whether or not they're getting enough nutrition, but then they poop again and it becomes obvious that they're keeping something down.  These are an often underrated staple of parenthood.  They're multi-purpose--well, technically they serve the same purpose of catching and cleaning up gross things the baby produces, but they can act as a shield to protect your shirt, a towel to clean up where the shield inevitably failed, a snot rag, or a dry washcloth to wipe up drool or whatever other oddly colored liquid the baby produces.

Onesies/pajamas.  Due to the high frequency of pooping, peeing and spitting up, it should go without saying that babies require a lot of outfit changes each day.  If you don't have children take a second to think about how many outfit changes would be considered "a lot" for one day.  Now multiply that by about ten and you're getting close to how many times a newborn needs a new shirt each day.

By the second or third week with a new baby a new parent will have done it so many times that it'll have become instinctual and they'll be able to do it in the dark purely by touch, which will come in handy when they have to do just that after the midnight feeding.  And the 2am feeding.  And the 4am feeding. 

Speaking of, make sure any pajamas have zippers and not snaps or buttons.  How often do you put on a shirt with buttons only to find out that you screwed up somewhere and now the shirt is all uneven and have to start over again?  Yeah.  Now imagine having to do that in the dark with a squirmy baby.  Zippers are the only way to go.

Bibs.  Bibs are like burp cloths in that they're frequently underrated and under-supplied.  A bib in conjunction with a burp cloth is a very good way to preserve at least one shirt to wear in public on the rare occasion a new parent gets to go out into public, because apparently it's frowned upon to strip down naked to feed the baby at the mall.  If you've got the choice, though, get the bibs with snaps instead of the velcro ones.  Since these bibs will probably be getting washed almost daily, the velcro wears out real quickly, but not before managing to snag on anything and everything even remotely dainty in the wash cycle and ruining it.

No, honey, they look fine.  Really.

Clothes.  Kids clothes are cute.  Girl clothes especially.  They're designed to appeal to adults because kids don't typically have a sense of style or color or pattern matching.  If you've ever seen a kid walking around in public in an outfit that made you question your sanity, chances are they dressed themselves and the parents have learned to pick their battles.  It's real easy to walk into the kids clothing section of a store and go a little crazy because every little outfit is cuter than the last one; every pair of socks are just so tiny and adorable.

Just remember that babies grow at alarming rates and to keep that in mind when buying clothing for the future.  If the baby is born in January, there's a pretty good chance that that 12-month bathing suit you're buying is going to get donated or returned.  And just don't even worry about shoes right now.  Newborns do not need a pair of baby Timberlands, no matter how ridiculously adorable they are.  They don't walk.  They don't even know they have feet.  And let me tell you, trying to squeeze an infant's feet into a pair of shoes is like trying to get toothpaste back into the tube while someone stomps on the other end of the tube.

Chipping In.  Never a bad option, this is where you join up with several other attendees to purchase a more expensive, but necessary, item like a car seat or a crib.  Something I'd add to that list would be a membership to a wholesale club.  Not only would it save the new parents money by allowing them to purchase 17,000 baby wipes for $13.99, it also saves them some time in only having to go to the store to purchase baby wipes once a week or so.

Finally, if you're crafty you can make a personalized quilt or make a diaper cake or whittle a changing table.  Or go to Etsy and buy one of those things and take the credit.  That's up to you.


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