The Top 5 Most Frequently Spoken Words in Our Household

If you were a fly on the wall in our house you'd probably be dead right now.  I'd probably have already smacked you with a rolled up magazine because I really hate flies, and also because killing things with more than four legs is a part of my job description.  If you did manage to elude me for long enough, the sheer repetition around here might just kill you instead.

Bang your head into the window screen as many times as you like, dirty little insect, there's no escape from this list.

 5.  Butt.  Or as Kaeleigh inexplicably pronounces it, BOO-ot.

I used to think that kids finding potty humor so funny was a learned trait, but I've come to believe that it's actually instinctive.  Their mother and I have done our best to teach the kids to not be ashamed of any part of their bodies and to not shy away from discussing bodily functions (except at the dinner table) as anything other than perfectly normal parts of every day life, and yet somewhere along the way the butt (and its various functions) became not only the funniest word in existence for the older two, but also the go-to insult.  If I had a nickel for every time one of them called the other a butthead, I'd have a butt load of nickels.


 4. Down.  Usually spoken in a way that would require an exclamation point after it if it were being written and almost always as part of a command.

Examples include, but are not limited to:  Sit down! Quiet down! Put that down! Get back in bed and lie down! Get down from there! Settle down!  

How the...?  I left you alone for five minutes!  I need to go lie down.

3. Up.  Seems contradictory, doesn't it?  Welcome to parenthood!

Examples include: Get up! Pick those toys up! Finish up whatever it is you're doing that I asked you to stop doing 10 minutes ago because we have to leave and we're running late!  Ewww, Zachary spit up again! Listen up because I don't want to have to repeat myself! No, you can't stay up to watch Conan... believe me, I'm doing you a favor! 

A family friendly representation of a two word phrase that includes the word "up" that I often want to say.

2.  What.  As in: What are you doing?  What did you think was going to happen?  What do you want to eat?  What the... ?  What is your plan here, exactly?  What will it take to get you to quiet down, stop saying butt and pick up your room?

All of the things!

1. No.  This one hurts because I want to be the cool dad.  I want to say yes as much as possible to encourage my children to spread their wings and use their imaginations and never be afraid to try new things... but have you ever talked to a child?  They have absolutely no concept of consequences or personal safety.  They do not understand how money works and clearly believe we're made of it.  They do not fully grasp time or distance no matter how many times you show them on a map that a day trip to Disneyland is just not possible.  

I do say yes, just not nearly as much as I say no, mostly because most of the kid's ideas are terrible and I don't want to go to jail for child endangerment.






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